antónia
{ongoing}
i have been trying to write about you and how you died the other week. but i have been writing about everything but you or maybe this counts does this count perhaps i have been writing about you all along all this time since the other week and even before. there are things that i want to say to still stay to you and to him and maybe to myself because there is so much too much i don’t know yet about us and how funny is that now how so very funny that i waited until now to get to really make a proper introduction but listen there are things that i really want to write about that maybe one does not write about you know those things i keep thinking about like i told you i know i told you when you could no longer listen i told you desculpa avó i said i am sorry grandmother for my inability to believe in your god i guess that i ought to include him too i guess i did and i just saw myself wording him she just saw herself writing him and she knows it is not god she is thinking of certainly not your god grandma and that is the moment that is the exact moment when words collapse when words are no longer. desculpa avó, i will try again tomorrow. this is about him too